Hehe…

( The Dante's Inferno Test )

<3 ^__^

Soon after arriving in New Hamburg for a relaxing Reading Week, I checked my e-mail and found out that I've been accepted to Laurier to do my Master's degree in English!

It's a big relief to know that no matter what happens with my other applications, I'll still be able to start my Master's degree in September. I'm still waiting to hear from Western and McMaster, but right now, I'm leaning towards Laurier. I would probably be terrible at staying in touch if I started a Master's degree in another city, so I'd like to stay close to my family and friends.

Edit: I just found out today that I've been accepted at McMaster as well, so it will be tough to decide where to go. McMaster was my first choice initially, and has a very exciting interdisciplinary program that combines English with Cultural Studies. We'll see how next year unfolds.

Simply go to Google, type in your name and the next word, and see what comes up first.

Google meme:

Type in "(your name) needs"
"Jill needs to earn enough money to buy a new skateboard that costs $48.50." (yep, that's me, the badass skater chick ;) )

Type in "(your name) looks like"
"Jill looks like she is done laying her eggs for the year." (um… )

Type in "(your name) does"
"Jill Does Vegas." (hehe… )

Type in "(your name) hates"
"Jill Hates Jack." (Because you can't trust anyone named Jack. Unless his real name turns out to be "Earnest" ;) )

Type in "(your name) goes"
"Jill Goes Underground." (… with my secret plot… be very afraid ;) )

Type in "(your name) loves"
"Jill loves We The Kings!" (hmmm… )

Type in "(your name) eats"
"Jill eats pizza" (I like it with olives and italian sausage)

Type in "(your name) has"
"Jill has HOT feet" (well, who am I to argue ;) )

Type in "(your name) wants"
"Jill wants to get into bed, encourages other [sic] to do so." (hehe… indeed. That's what our society needs, dang it – naptime for all!!)

Wow, it's been ages since I've posted! For some reason, I felt the need to take a break for a while. Since it's summer again, I've started busking in Stratford, and it feels great to be playing my violin again. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed making music. Since I've finished my degree, I've been feeling a bit restless, and not quite sure what to do with myself, but now that I'm busking, I'm starting to feel like myself again. It feels great to be spending my days fiddling in Stratford again, doing something that feels so natural to me.

I have to go now, because I'm leaving on a trip to Ireland for two weeks, which I'm very excited about, but I hope to update more before too long. See you all soon!

It still hasn't completely sunk in, but I've written my last exam, and I've now completely finished my Honours English degree! Finishing my program has brought a mix of emotions. I'm really excited to have made it this far, and to know that I'll never have to scramble to finish multiple essays for multiple courses at the end of a term again. At the same time, when I think about the future, I feel small and scared, like I'm staring into this huge dark unknown. I have a general idea of what I want to do: go to grad school; get a job in editing, research or teaching; and write novels; but part of me feels terrified of failing at those goals. For that matter, part of me is always afraid of failing at whatever I try to do. I always have to keep reminding myself that there are lots of possibilities out there for me if my goals at the moment don't work out.

In general, though, I'm feeling good – relieved to be able to relax without worrying about essays or deadlines, and excited about new projects of my own I'm planning. I'm hoping to get a job with Extend-A-Family's summer camp in June, and in the meantime, I want to do the Nanowrimo challenge – to write a 50, 000 word novel in a month. I have a story in mind that I think will be a lot of fun to write. For now, I'll just say that it will have a lot of cuteness, and a lot of angst ;)


I'm also excited about my drawing projects. This week, I've finished a drawing of Flynn, a character from my fantasy story in progress who appears in the side-story I wrote for madmad_stories2. You can see it at http://bookishnerd.deviantart.com/art/Flynn-83408522. I think he turned out looking quite cute :D

Finally, hello to unendingexile, and thanks for adding me as a friend! It's always good to meet a fellow fantasy fan, especially one from Laurier! ^__^

And thanks, darthmoyle, for an awesome party on Saturday night! Best post-birthday wishes! *hugs* ^__^

So, the story muses are back after years of slumber. They're still rather stand-offish and cranky about having being woken up, but at least they're awake. I'm told the strategy of many writers is to appease the muses with offerings of Mary Sue stories, but my muses seem to be pushing me in the opposite direction.

Whenever I try to daydream about possible story ideas, I'm interrupted by imaginary conversations in my head, usually involving me berating myself about embarrassing memories, or being berated by someone else. Sometimes I even end up whispering to myself out loud, which can be embarrassing in itself. When Neko noticed me talking to myself one day, she suggested I do what most writers do and write the conversations down.

The trouble is, I'm so sick of having those voices running through my head that the last thing I want to do is listen to them long enough to write them down. On the other hand, writing them down might be just what I need to get them out of my system. Lately I've been turning the random conversations in my head into story fragments told from the point of view of various characters, and I think this approach has the potential to work very well. It's a lot easier to write down the thoughts that just won't go away when I pretend they're someone else's.

It's taken me a little while, but since Aurilla was thoughtful enough to pass along this lovely virtual smooch, I thought I'd spread the love ^__^



In the words from "the original smoocheree":

So, the point (and I do have one) to this post is motivated by my desire to hand some of that love and kindness back around to those who have been so very, very, very good to me in this bloggy world. My hope is that those who receive this award will pass it on to those who have been very, very, very good to them as well. It's a big kiss, of the chaste platonic kind, from me to you with the underlying 'thanks' message implied. I really do appreciate your support and your friendship and yes, your comments. ... Mwah!

I appreciate everyone on my f-list, but I want to especially thank neko_no_baka and beth_ashke for inspiring me by sharing their writing with me online and offline, and for many great conversations spent bouncing story ideas around. They've listened to me patiently even when I've been overly excited and obsessive, and I really appreciate it! ^__^

I also want to thank cinnamon_digory, zebra_bunny and wisling for being so faithful in reading and commenting on my posts, even when I get pedantic and long-winded. It's a great feeling to log on and find messages in my inbox! ^__^

Thanks, too, to darthmoyle for being a generous friend and a very faithful and patient DM ^__^

And, finally, thanks again, aurillia, for your encouragement, and for all of our nerdy discussions! I'm looking forward to reading your story, and to many more great conversations about reading and fantasy. *clinks glass* ^__^

I still haven't mentioned everyone, but I really do appreciate everyone on my f-list. I don't comment as often as I should, but I always enjoy reading your posts. Love to my f-list! *hugs* ^__^

It's taken a year of procrastinating, but I've finally finished a word challenge for madmad_stories2! For those of you who don't know, it's a writing community with weekly writing challenges. For each challenge, there's a list of ten words, each of which must be used in a story. Each of the words can only be used once, and the story must be between 300 and 2000 words. The members rate one another's stories from 1 to 5 stars, and the winner of the challenge, with the highest average rating, gets to choose the list of ten words for the next challenge. If that sounds at all interesting to you, give it a try! If the community gets more members, we might be able to start having challenges every week again, instead of just choosing a winner once we have five stories.

I'm really excited, because I've always intended to use this journal to share my stories, but this is my first time actually posting one, and it's the first story I've actually finished in years! It's a kind of prequel/side-story for my fantasy story in the works, which I've tentatively called A Messenger of Vesh. The main character is Zeldan, a Half-Elven minstrel. This story takes place ten years before the main story, and is about Zeldan, and his best friends, at age 18.

As I said on madmad_stories2, let me know if you think it's too much like Harry Potter. I haven't read Harry Potter, but I've realized there are a few similarities, and even though I may not have copied Harry Potter in any direct way, I don't want people reading the final story and going "Hey, that's like Harry Potter!" ;)

An important note: Although Zeldan began as my D&D character, the story isn't set in the D&D world, so Zeldan doesn't have the abilities he did on his character sheet. He's just an ordinary musician, not a "bard" as imagined in the D&D world. The story is set in a fantasy world that I've called the world of Vael, a world with four Human-like species: the Elves, the Humans, the J'nanni and the Tamiads, each of which have evolved from a different animal. I've given hints in the story about the origin of the Elves and the J'nanni (hint: ears ;) )

I'm pretty happy with some things about the story. I do think, though, that I probably should have made some things about the world more explicit in the story. At the time, it seemed important to avoid being heavy-handed in giving out world information, but looking back, I realize that it would have been better to explicitly state certain details. Overall, though, I think it shouldn't take away too much from the story, because this story is much more about the characters themselves than about the world. Hopefully I've worked in enough details about the world that nothing is too confusing.

Hope you enjoy it! :)



( Letting Things Go )

I did some fanart last week for Skyfall, my favourite online comic. You can see it at http://bookishnerd.deviantart.com/art/The-Cast-of-Skyfall-76605603

It was really fun to do! I'm kind of proud of the profile of Nesshin. (He's my favourite character – so adorable and sweet-natured! And tortured and angsty ;) )

I'm getting a bit better at drawing, but I have a long way to go before I'm ready to do my own comic. I'll get there – maybe in 20 years :P

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions.
3. Update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.


( My questions, from Aurillia )

Hope everyone's been enjoying their holidays! I really enjoyed Christmas this year. I've sometimes found Christmas too overwhelming, but I felt much more relaxed this year than I often have. I've felt more energized in the past few weeks than I have in a long time.

For Christmas, my parents gave me a Celtic harp :D *does happy Harp dance* I've been having a lot of fun learning to play it. It's so satisfying to play, because it's such a beautiful instrument, with such a clear, ringing sound.

I'll be back in Waterloo tomorrow. Best post-holiday wishes to everyone! ^__^


( Thoughts on the movie versions of Pride and Prejudice )

If you comment on this entry, I'll pick seven interests from your user profile. Then, you post an entry in your lj with a blurb about each: what they are, why you list them as interests, etc. Here's what I wrote about seven of my interests, picked by zebra_bunny.

( Interests meme )


That was fun! Sorry for getting long-winded :P

So, I've made a decision.
I'm sorry to say I've developed a very bad habit of compulsively surfing the net. It's got to the point where I spend ridiculous amounts of time every day going back and forth between the same sites.

I know, it's really pathetic. It's gradually become a habit that's so reflexive I'm hardly aware of it. The trouble is, in the short term, it calms me down by distracting me from being overwhelmed by all the things I should be doing, and from constantly feeling like time is slipping through my fingers. But in the long term, of course, I feel even more panicky about time passing me by when I realize how much time I've spent accomplishing nothing. And spending so long staring at the computer screen is making me lethargic, and contributing to my mind being in a fog a lot of the time, which is kind of a scary feeling.

This isn't to say I'm not accomplishing anything at all. I'm still doing well on my assignments, and I'm better able to concentrate on them than I was last year. In general, though, I've been feeling depressed a lot of the time, like I've become this horribly lazy person I never wanted to be. I don't want to be someone who spends all her time daydreaming about doing great things, but has little will to actually do them. My lack of will comes from wanting to forget about my feeling that with every moment, my time is running out. But the things I do to distract myself, like avoiding thinking about things I could or should be doing, and compulsively internet surfing, are just making that feeling worse. The more I run from it, the worse it gets.

So, in the interest of taking my life back, I've decided to limit myself to surfing the internet twice per day, once in the morning or afternoon, and once in the evening. It's not a solution to my procrastination and general existential angst, but it's a small start.

So, I've finally got around to finishing some drawings and posting them on deviantArt! They're drawings of two characters from my fantasy story in the works. You can check them out at http://bookishnerd.deviantart.com.

A meme from the community "bookshare", using a list of 106 books most often listed as unread by LibraryThing's users. Bold what you have read, italicise what you started but couldn't finish, and strike through what you couldn't stand. Add an asterisk to those you've read more than once. Underline those on your to-read list.

( The List )

So, at the moment I'm trying to work on an essay, which goal is hampered by the fact that I have a bad cold. Fortunately, the essay seems to be coming together, so it should be done relatively soon. It may not be quite on time, but it will get done, and I shouldn't have to skip class in order to avoid handing it in horribly late. It feels great to be interested in an essay again. I would be enjoying it much more if I weren't feeling sick, but oh well :P

We had the first session of Moyle's D & D campaign on Friday night. It was a lot of fun! I really liked meeting the NPCs Moyle created; they had a lot of personality. My character this time round is a human ranger named Crispin. He's 21, and very shy, especially around girls. His hobbies are woodcarving and playing the flute, and he loves animals and walks in the woods ; ) . I've tried to keep my character concept fairly simple this time round, because I've found that otherwise I go into author mode and have trouble staying in character. Hopefully I've learned enough from my mistakes that things will go more smoothly this time. I can't wait for the next session on Wednesday!

In other news, I now have a scanner *boogies*. I'm really excited, because I should have more motivation to draw now that I'll finally be able to upload my drawings to deviantArt. I'll also be able to start learning to do colouring with Photoshop. I need to work on my inking with my shiny new brush pen, too, but all this will have to wait until after the essay.

By the way, sorry for the convolutedness of my last posts. I'm the first to admit I sometimes get carried away with convoluted abstractions. I really needed to focus on specific stories to get those ideas across, they're too abstract and general to mean much otherwise. I thought about taking those posts down, so as not to scare people away from my lj :P. But as I look over them now, they're not all that bad, so they'll stay up for now. I'll try to be less convoluted in the future.

Anyway, back to my essay…

So, I don't know if anyone looked at my last lj cut. I was mainly just trying to work out some ideas and clarify my thoughts for myself. But I realized that I left out something important.

My main point was that when it comes to analyzing how complex a story is, appearances can be deceiving. Stories that seem complex on the surface are sometimes revealed to be much more simplistic on a closer examination. And stories that at first seem very simple sometimes reveal hidden layers of meaning.

What I forget to mention is that one of the things that makes analyzing the complexity of a story challenging is that it's sometimes hard to tell the difference between a message that the author wants the reader to take away from a story, and an idea that's simply expressed in the story for a reason other than making a clear statement. It's easy for readers, bringing their own points of view to the story, to assume that the author intended for the story to be interpreted in a particular way, when in fact the author's intentions were more complicated, and less deliberate.

Authors often imagine worlds in particular ways not necessarily because they believe their created worlds reflect the reality of our world, but simply for the sake of asking "what if," and possibly giving us new tools to look at our own world differently in the process. One of the things I love about fantasy is that it gives the writer this freedom. But many readers misunderstand this freedom, and assume that everything about a fantasy world and its characters must be intended to make a clear statement about our own world. I believe that fantasy lends itself to much more interesting interpretations when we as writers and readers allow ourselves the freedom to ask "what if."

I admit that I'm sometimes guilty of making unsupported assumptions about the way an author wants his or her story to be interpreted. I would probably not be nearly as aware of it had I not done creative writing of my own. In my writing, certain elements of my stories are intended to be interpreted in particular ways, while other elements arise simply from asking "what if." For me, it's the interaction between the two that makes writing, and reading, so fascinating. However, it can also be very difficult to determine when an author is using one mode or the other, especially since the author may be using both at the same time.

While I'm aware of the difficulties in discerning how an author intended something to be interpreted, I don't agree with those who think we should completely ignore the author's intentions. I believe that we almost always make assumptions about how the author intended a story to be interpreted, and that these assumptions will influence how we read the story whether we're aware of if or not. So I don't think the solution is to avoid directly talking about these assumptions, but to make more informed and thoughtful assumptions.

To this end, I think that it's sometimes useful for an author to discuss whether they intended for a particular passage, idea or story to be interpreted in a particular way or not. I would of course never suggest that these statements from an author should be taken as the final word. But I think that far from putting a straightjacket on possible interpretations, clarifications from the author, especially to clear up common misconceptions about the different intentions authors may have, can often give the reader tools to make better interpretations.